One of my husband's major complaints before leaving (and even now) was that he knew I loved him, but didn't think I was "in love" with him because I wasn't falling all over him all the time. Hmmm. Could it have been because I was washing dishes, clothes, cooking dinner and taking care of our son all at the same time? Was it possible he forgot that I also worked a full time job before coming home to take on another load of work? Not likely.
I have observed that people tend to see what they want to see and whatever is important to you is usually only important to you. It takes a bit of work to step outside of your own circle of importance to try to see things from somebody else's perspective.
Looking back, I did let a lot of the "little things" get in the way. But that's life. We've been together for over 10 years and married for almost nine years. Does anybody still have passion after 10 years? Or is it natural for it to progress from steamy passion to a comfortable embrace at the end of a long day? I don't even have a desire for passion and I'm not even in my thirties yet. I enjoyed our cuddling on the couch towards the end of our marriage just as much as our wild nights during the first couple of years. But then, what do I know?
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Its so unfair that he did this to you. Maybe you'll find someone who loves you for who you are.
ReplyDeletewww.aynzan.blogspot.com
I realize that this may offend, so I am not leaving this comment in an offensive way.
ReplyDeleteEphesians 5:22 says "Wives submit to your Husbands"
The passage goes on to say "Husbands love your wives"
Why do you think that God chose those specific words when dealing with marriage?
It's easy for a wife to love her husband, but falling under his leadership is a whole different story...believe me I know! and it's easy for a husband to serve his wife....however love doesn't come as easily...
I know that one downfall of our society today is the thinking that we are entitled to everything, and also our selfish nature...
I have fallen into the thinking that all I do is work, clean, take care of kids, and wake up tomorrow to do it all over again and what is hubby doing? Sitting on the couch playing a video game (or what have you)....
But when you think about it isn't that what you are supposed to do to show your husband that you love him. You can't change his behavior, but you can change your thinking...
Instead (James 1:2) "Consider it pure joy"
At least you are able to do those things, you have a home and a husband...there are many people who don't have as much as you do....
You fell in love with your husband for a reason, and people don't change overnight, so look for the small things that you fell in love with him for....count it joy when you fall into tribulations, and choose to change your thinking...
I don't take offense since I've not fallen out of love. His perception is that I've fallen out of love. That may be a product of "projecting" or insecurity from my lack of falling all over him. I took a vow to love him forever, no matter what and I will.
ReplyDeleteMy blog's purpose is to focus on my journey into whatever this point of my life is in now, which for me is "the unknown." While I am attempting to be the best person I can be, I can't change my husband. So while some people in my position may have a bitter or depressed attitude, I have chosen to strive for a positive spin.
This spill was a of a more serious, less light hearted nature than I will be going for, but I'll keep it to a minimum going forward.
i can understand your perspective and it's nicely and eloquently stated,
ReplyDeletethe only thing i can say in response to that is that one must not seek passion, but find it.
people prepare themselves to fall out of love because it seems to be a common popular belief (and misconception) that it is to be expected and sometimes it just happens because the connection between the two becomes stale and fruitless, but has in a way, always been.
I could say that I understand where you are coming from. But I don't. It seems to me that your significant other is probably wondering what is going on with you. Maybe he thinks that he acts the same as when you guys first got together and that he still shows you the same affection and love that he did it first. He probably doesn't. If he is like me he is more guarded and insecure and watches all of your moves to see if you still care for him. It is not easy being the guy sometimes. We are expected to be the ones fighting for our loves, but, sometimes we would just love to feel our love fighting to win us over. A little bit goes a long way. Don't give up on him if there is still a chance. You may not believe it or he may not believe it but soon there will be a realization that the good times were worth keeping up the fight. And remembering the good times when it might be over will sting and hurt the most. It is never bad to let someone know that you love them. Even if it hurts or if it isn't reciprocated and it hurts even more. At least you let your feelings be known. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThanks JoshandUndie. It's always nice to get a view from the guy's side. I do tell him I love him and that I'm in love with him. I'm allowing him to vent all of his frustrations in an effort to show that I do care about his feelings because I really do. It's like a roller coaster ride for him, so I'm going to go with it the best I can. But after the first couple of days after he left, I decided I will not allow a pity party (well, no more than 5 minutes a week). Wallowing in despair has never been for me. So that being said, my goal on here will be to keep an upbeat and sometimes humorous outlook on what happens after the love of my life has left.
ReplyDelete